Obey! Can you?
I've decided to embrace the word "obey" as my guiding principle for the year. As I ventured into this new chapter of my life, I chose to start afresh. The word "obey" came to me after a heartfelt prayer, and since then, I've noticed numerous meaningful coincidences. It prompted me to reflect on the times when I didn't follow through with what I felt compelled to do.
I had been praying for guidance to enhance my painting skills and create art that would honor God when the story of the Good Samaritan came to mind. I felt a strong urge to paint that particular scene. Although I made several sketches, I never finished or even came close to completing the painting. I eventually stowed it away and left it untouched for a long time. When I revisited my prayer for the same inspiration, I realized I had failed to act on the creative impulse my higher power had bestowed upon me.
During my darkest moments before receiving my diagnosis, I try not to be too hard on myself. If you've experienced something similar, I urge you to be compassionate towards yourself. The crucial point is that I didn't follow through with painting the deeply ingrained image in my heart and mind. I felt disheartened and contemplated giving up on my artistic endeavors altogether.
Dealing with my condition, the fluctuating effects of new medications, and my disobedience was an arduous journey. I found myself praying for something that I already had. Fortunately, with the help of the Lord, I unraveled the underlying reasons for my struggles, sought assistance, and began my path to recovery.
It wasn't easy; I spent most of my time sleeping for about a year and a half. I tried various combinations of medications before finding a regimen that seemed to alleviate my symptoms without making me feel like a zombie. I still require adjustments and changes in medication, but it's not as challenging as it was initially. It feels like I've emerged from a terrible nightmare; I can barely recall the majority of the last two years. I'm aware that others with Bipolar Disorder can relate to the feeling of being unable to recognize or lose chunks of their lives.
As I regained my footing and continued to pray for guidance, I found myself drawn to the idea of letting "obey" be my guiding light. It dawned on me that I had yet to heed the guidance of the Lord (my higher power), and it was time to change that, even if I got knocked off track.
My question for you is, what is your guiding word? Are you "obeying" your higher power and following your heart? Please remember that we all get knocked off track, but what is essential is that we get back on. That is why, after many attempts, I am posting this article. I will leave you with this quote: "You can only learn what obedience is by obeying."
— Dietrich Bonhoeffer
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